2017 NFL Season – No”BOLD”y Sports Predictions (see what we did there?)

(Cover image and above meme created by Joe Gallagher, NobodySports)

The four of us here at Nobody Sports (Shawn, Joe, Mike, John) have this yearly tradition where we state our bold predictions of the upcoming NFL season. Every year, we have some serious predictions, outrageous predictions and even hilarious predictions. What typically happens is that the hilarious and outrageous predictions actually end up being true, and the serious predictions can’t be any more wrong. That being said, here is the 2017 edition of the NoBoldy Predictions.

Shawn

The Cleveland Browns win 7 games

Now seven wins doesn’t seem like an insanely high amount of wins. But let’s face it, the “Believe”land Browns have stunk for a while now. They’ve had more QBs than Justin Bieber’s had summer bangers (Biebs has had three already this year and Labor Day is still two weeks out). They won one game a season ago. Many are expecting them to stink it up in 2017. But hear me out. Brock Osweiler is going to be playing for his NFL career this season. They are very talented at the skill positions on offense. Osweiler has the weapons to succeed. He also has Joe Thomas protecting his blind side. The defense has the potential to be good with the additions of fellow dino-enthusiast Myles Garrett and Jabril Peppers. Believe in the “Believe”land.

Jay Cutler throws for 35 Touchdowns

Take it from the resident Packer fan, I know how questionable Cutler can be. But this may be one of the most talented group of pass targets that Cutler has had to throw to. Jarvis Landry, Devante Parker, Kenny Stills, and Jay Ajayi out of the backfield. Ryan Tannehill threw 19 touchdowns in 13 games last year to this group. Throw in Julius Thomas and this is a really good situation for Smokin’ Jay. It should go without saying that Jay Cutler is better than Ryan Tannehill. (That was painful to write…) Cutler has the potential to earn every dime of that guaranteed 10 million dollar contract.

The Atlanta Falcons miss the 2017 Playoffs

What’s the best way to follow up blowing a 28-3 lead in the Super Bowl. Well, sitting at home in January and watching football is something the Falcons should probably put on their schedule. Matt Ryan is going to have a statistical drop off from a year ago. The NFC South got better across the board. While the Falcons defense will improve this year, the offense will fall drastically this season.

Colin Kaepernieck Starts an NFL Game this Season

Let’s face it, NFL quarterbacks get hurt. Someone will realize that the best course of action will be to bring in Kaep and put him in control of their offense. My money is on the J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets! Their terrible. They’ll probably need a shot in the arm. Imagine the shitstorm when Kaep is kneeling during the National Anthem in Jets Green while that annoying jackass in the Fireman’s Helmet or Hardhat or whatever is on his head screams out the Star Spangled Banner. I’ll be tuning into that one.

Taylor Swift will perform the Super Bowl Half-Time Show

Hear me out. T-Swift just went dark on social media. Either she got hacked, or she’s about to drop a new album. I’m leaning towards option two. Which means we’re about to be blessed with another 13 track classic from ya girl. With all of her Katy Perry beef, what better way to win the war than to just crush a Super Bowl halftime show. Left shark will be a thing of the past when the Packers go into the half up 18 in the Big Game, and out comes T-Swizzle to melt our faces with “Cause baby now we got Bad Blood.”

Joe

The New England Patriots go 16-0

It pains me to write this prediction, but with Brady at the Helm and Belichick calling the shots, it is always a possibility. First off, look at the division: 2x against the Jets, 2x against a QB who prior to a Ryan Tannehill injury may have actually been calling the game, and 2x against a team who traded away their QB’s biggest weapon and faces an injury situation with their starting LT. Key games which could be stumblers are on the road against the steelers and broncos and at home in last year’s super bowl rematch against the Falcons. The addition of Brandin Cooks gives Brady arguably his best WR since Randy Moss. His presence alone will open up the field for Edelman, Hogan and Amendola to do their thing. Oh, and there is also that Gronk guy. And if all of that isn’t enough, there is always the fact that Belichick will already know the opponent’s plays in advance, so they’ve got that going for them too.

The Indianapolis Colts Make the AFC Championship 

Hear me out on this one: The Colts’ strength of schedule is 32nd in the NFL for the 2017 season. Per CBS sports, their opponents records from last season were a combined 107-146-3 for a wonderful .424 record. Also per CBS sports, in three of the last four seasons, the team with the easiest strength of schedule has reached their conference’s respective championship. All of this will unfortunately hinge on whether or not Andrew Luck is 100%. This is a bold/outrageous and possibly hilarious prediction of mine, as most people say the Titans will easily run away with the division. But hey, the Colts first three games are against the present day Ryan Leaf in a soccer stadium, the one-man-show Cardinals, and the QB revolving door known as the Cleveland Browns. They will then face a tough test at Seattle, followed by a sleeper at home against the lowly 49ers. A quick 4-1 start is not out of the realm of possibilities here. Not to mention, if Andrew Luck isn’t healthy, they also have that baller undrafted free agent QB who goes by the name of PJ. (TU REPRESENT)

The NY Jets will win a football game at some point

Okay okay, I know this is harsh. But really, the 2017 NY Jets could go down as the worst football team ever. They have three NFL ready backup QBs fighting for the starting role. They lost their top two WRs from last season to free agency (one of whom they just can’t seem to move on from, yes I am calling you out Richardson). Obviously, I love seeing Robbie Anderson getting 1st team WR reps (TU REPRESENT) but he and Enunwa might be seeing a QB carousel this season. Powell will do his best to try and get through the sand particle sized holes his inept offensive line will make for him. I think it will be a long season for Jets fans…although it would be a pleasant surprise to be completely wrong here.

Mitchell Trubisky will make Bears GM look like a football genius

I think every football fan in America had a stunned and confused look on their face when the Bears got fleeced by John Lynch, trading up ONE spot for Trubisky. Everyone from Bears fans to football fans in general, ripped the guy for the move. His own coach John Fox wasn’t even aware he was planning to trade up to get the young, North Carolina QB. Well, fast-forward to last week’s preseason game: 18 of 25 for 166 yards and a TD. Trubisky was super accurate and looked like an NFL veteran out there, not a 22 year old rookie. I get it, it’s preseason. But, if he goes out there these next three preseason games and plays the way he did against Denver, then we may have a case of the Bears having the highest paid backup QB in NFL history.

The Eagles will win the NFC East

*Homer prediction alert* – Go ahead, start grilling me for this overly, homer prediction. But really, it’s true. I have this team going 10-6 in the division AND winning it (see Eagles Predictions article – link at bottom). The Giants are going to be awful this season, with their sieve-like offensive line (see Mike’s prediction). I think the Redskins are a decent team, but by decent I meant 8-8 or 9-7. The Cowboys are going to be without Zeke for some portion of the season. The loss of Morris Claiborne, Brandon Carr and Barry Church don’t really help their already awful secondary. I see them tying with the Redskins if not finishing 3rd. Therefore, Wentzylvania will proceed into the post season. Take us to the bowl Ginger!!!!

Mike

The Bengals win the AFC North

The Steelers are the clear favorite to win the North again this year. They have an elite offense and a young improving defense. However, I’m going to say the Bengals win the North. After a down year last year, the Bengals return to the playoffs this year. They have the pieces to have a very good offense. Andy Dalton is an average QB, but with weapons like AJ Green, Tyler Eifert, and first round pick John Ross, he has plenty of weapons to work with. Joe Mixon will be the lead back and he should help tremendously. Their defense is still above average and with an easier schedule and no pressure this year, I say they win the North. Now, whether they can actually win a playoff game is another story.

The Giants finish last in the NFC East

The NFC East should be a tightly contested affair again this year, as I think any team could win it. Someone has to finish in last, most people would say the Redskins are the worst team, and I don’t disagree with that. And most people will say the Giants are going to win the division. However, I am going to say they finish in last. The Giants have arguably the best defense in the division and an elite set of receivers. With that being said, their offensive line is sieve, they don’t have a running game, and I think their defense overachieved last year. Eli will have to throw the ball a lot which will lead to pressures and sacks and a lot of interceptions. Odell Beckham is looking for a new contract and could become a headache when they start to struggle. I will go with a bold prediction and say that they finish in last as they will have to start to think about what the future beyond Eli is (currently a black hole). Of all my predictions, this is the one I hope will become right. No, I take that back, I know I am right. The Giants suck.

The Titans win the AFC South and Marcus Mariota wins MVP

I’m putting these two together because they go hand and hand, like the Cowboys and convicts. The AFC South is up for grabs again this year, and I just love the Titans this year. They have plenty of weapons for Mariota this year after getting WR Corey Davis in the first round and WR Eric Decker from the Jets. Add those two to underrated TE Delanie Walker, WR Rishard Matthews and an elite running game with Demarco Murray and Derrick Henry. All that says to me is that this is set up perfectly for both Mariota and the Titans. The Texans are probably the favorite and have the best defense in the division, but have suspect QB play again (*cough* should start Watson…). I’m going with a breakout year from Mariota, and a possible #2 seed in the AFC from the Titans. I just love what they have done. I’m all in on the Titans.

The Colts finish last in the AFC South

Joe says he has the Colts going to the AFC Championship game and I just don’t see him being that ‘Luck’y (see what i did there….). I don’t think the Colts are very good. Andrew Luck is a good QB, but he is not healthy and might not start the beginning of the year. That means Scott Tolzien is going to be the starter and I know this hurts the Wisconsinites like Shawn, but he stinks. He’s not like the other elite ginger talent in the NFL: Carson Wentz, Andy Dalton. What? Yes, I just said Carson Wentz is Elite. Anyways, the Colts have serious issues with their offensive line, especially since their starting center is out for a while. They have serious issues at running back as Frank Gore is on AARP now. I don’t think their defense is any good either. They might have the easiest schedule, but I don’t think it matters. Chuck Pagano should have been fired by now, and there’s no way he makes it through this season. A last place finish in their division is where I see them. Their GM has a lot of work to do to help out Luck going forward.

The Patriots will play the Falcons in the Superbowl…..Again

A back to back Superbowl has only happened on once in the history of the NFL: Dallas and Buffalo met in Superbowl XXVII and XXVIII with Dallas winning both times. So, this is definitely a bold prediction. The Superbowl losers have also done extremely poorly the following year as well. However, I’m going to say the Falcons don’t have a Superbowl hangover and go back again this year. Their only big loss was offensive coordinator, Kyle Shanahan. Everyone else returns including their number one cornerback Desmond Trufant, who was hurt all of last year. Their offense is still loaded and their defense is improved with Trufant back and the offseason addition of DT Dontari Poe and first round pick, DE Takkarist McKinley. They should continue to put up plenty of points and QB Matt Ryan wants to show that last year wasn’t a fluke. The Patriots should head back there again as well, since they only got better with the addition of WR Brandin Cooks. Their offense should also continue to score plenty of points and they are in a terrible division. The Patriots going to the Superbowl again, is not a surprise because they are the best team in the NFL, but Atlanta returning is the surprise. A rematch will definitely be interesting… let’s just hope it doesn’t turn into a Cleveland vs Golden State yearly matchup because I’m already over that…

Mizis

I will be getting married – written by Joe

This is one prediction we all know for a fact is true. Mizis will be getting married to his wonderful girlfriend Alex in November. In fact, Mike and I will be there, and will make sure to provide a play-by-play via the twitter page. No, but seriously we are excited for them, and in our one serious paragraph of this whole article, congratulations to them both, we are excited for you both and wish you the best!

#TEAMNOBODY

Eagles Predictions article: http://nobodysports.com/breaking-down-the-eagles-upcoming-201718-season-with-predictions