(Cover Photo Credit to www.girlsonthegrid.com – Check them out!!)
Debated by Shawn Updike and Joe Gallagher
10 Team $200 Auction – PPR – 1 QB – Standard Scoring
Fuck: If the opportunity is there, take them.
Marry: Love this pick. Feel comfortable with this pick. It will last you a long time.
Kill: Stay the fuck away.
Auction Price in Parenthesis
QB
Shawn:
Fuck: Aaron Rodgers-GB ($35) – Obviously, my homer pick of the draft. If Aaron is available at a decent price, I’m snaggin’ him. Maybe even overspend on him. #InTwelveWeTrust
Marry: Marcus Mariota-TEN ($3) – Mariota has improved steadily during his time in Nashville. This season I expect him to continue to only get better.
Kill: Dak Prescott-DAL ($1) – I rode the Prescott/Elliott combination last year in two of my leagues. I’m expecting massive dropoffs out of him this year.
Joe:
Fuck: Aaron Rodgers-GB ($31) – While I currently live in Madison, this is not a homer pick for me. However, I have to agree with Shawn here; Rodgers will be the #1 QB in fantasy this season without a doubt. The schedule is perfect for them. Rodgers has the trio of Nelson, Adams and Cobb to throw to, not to mention the addition of Bennett and WR turned RB Montgomery. This is an easy choice.
Marry: Carson Wentz – PHI ($1) – I am amazed he is projected to cost only $1. With the additions of Jeffrey and Smith to go with the improving Agholor (fingers crossed) and my TE to marry choice Zach Ertz, Wentz is going to have weapons, FINALLY. (And yes – homer pick!)
Kill: Dak Prescott-DAL ($1) – Again, I agree here with Shawn. No Zeke and the inevitable sophomore slump will combine for a season that brings Prescott back down to earth.
RB
Shawn:
Fuck: LeVeon Bell-PIT ($105) – I’d honestly take Bell over Johnson. And without a suspension hanging overhead this season, feel comfortable overspending on this pick.
Marry: Melvin Gordon-SD/LAC ($45) – Melvin Gordon has to be Former Wisconsin Badger Melvin Gordon eventually right.
Kill: Ezekiel Elliott-DAL ($60) – Suspension: Check. Sophomore Slump: Check. Probably will be overspent in majority of leagues this year: Check.
Joe:
Fuck: David Johnson-AZ ($105) – The best fantasy football player, period. Rushing TDs. Receiving TDs. Breathing TDs. That’s right folks, +10 pts just for Johnson breathing at game time. I am kidding, but seriously, the guy does it all.
Marry: Isaiah Crowell-CLE ($22) – That’s right folks, I am going with a Browns player. The Browns have quietly assembled one of the best Offensive lines in football this offseason, with the addition of J.C. Tretter and Kevin Zeitler. Shon Coleman looks to get a full season under his belt, but was rather serviceable as a rookie last year. With the always prevalent uncertainty at QB, I see the Browns rushing A LOT, meaning Crowell will benefit. (Sleeper pick)
Kill: Ezekiel Elliot-DAL ($60) – Suspension: Check. Sophomore Slump: Check…oh wait, Shawn already went through the reasoning here…Avoid like the plague, his game on the field will be as bad as his two sizes too small fashion off the field…and he’s a cowboy…
WR
Shawn:
Fuck: Julio Jones-ATL ($55) – Julio Jones is really good at football. He’s going to continue to be really good at football this year.
Marry: Michael Thomas-NO ($30) – Now that the pesky Brandin Cooks is out of the way in Nawhlins, expect solid things out of Thomas this year. We all know how much Brees likes to throw the ball.
Kill: Golden Tate-DET ($0) – This is more personal than anything. Tate cost me two, count em TWO, fantasy football championships last year.
Joe:
Fuck: Antonio Brown-PIT ($60) – Brown will continue his dominance over every living thing that wants to lineup 1 on 1 with him.
Marry: Brandin Cooks-NE ($22) – With the exception of Randy Moss and maybe Wes Welker, Cooks could be the best WR Tom Brady has ever had to throw to. Edelman is nice, and Troy Brown was solid in his day, but Cooks has the speed and athleticism to open up the field for the Pats this season.
Kill: Sammy Watkins-LAR ($18) – Look, I love Watkins. If he were still on the Bills, he would not be here. However, he has unfortunately been moved to the Rams, with their Ryan Leaf impersonator at QB. That being said, until there is someone throwing to him other than Goff, stay away. Stay far, far away.
TE
Shawn:
Fuck: Rob Gronkowski-NE ($35) – Always Fuck Rob Gronkowski.
Marry: Any other tight end ($any) – Realistically, unless you’re drafting Gronkowski early, you should wait on the rest of the tight ends. I don’t necessarily think any of them are going to be worth spending anything near Gronkowski this year.
Kill: Antonio Gates-SD/LAC ($1) – He’s probably going to get hurt in week 1 or 2 and be out for the season. Just don’t do it.
Joe:
Fuck: Rob Gronkowski-NE ($35) – See Shawn’s advice.
Marry: Zach Ertz-PHI ($8) – Okay, I feel like I have said this since he was drafted in 2013: This is Ertz’s year. With his pal Jordan Matthews having been traded, this will open up more targets for Ertz. I still think Ertz is a top 5 TE in the NFL and just needs to see more targets. Assuming Jeffrey and Smith see tight coverages, I expect Ertz to have a huge season.
Kill: Dwayne Allen-NE ($0) – Poor guy has to be the 2nd TE option in New England behind Gronk…but hey, at least he gets season tickets on the Patriots sideline!
D/ST and K:
Shawn:
If you’re here looking for advice on any of those, you’re in the wrong place. If you spend more than $1 on either, re-evaluate your fantasy football existence.
Joe: I am one who reaches every season for Gostkowski. He’s the only kicker i trust. As for defenses, I pick the Eagles every year, purely for rooting interest. Neither of those are really helpful advice, they are purely my opinions. So, I defer to Shawn’s response here.
#TEAMNOBODY